“It’s Mine!”
by Crystal Dupay

In a world where ambition and self-gratification are revered, it is difficult to remember that we are to put others before ourselves.

“No, it’s mine!”

“MINE!”

“Gimme dat!”

“I had it first!”

The shouts were coming from the playroom…again. These same words, articulated with the same intensity,   echoed through our home each time that my three and a half-year-old daughter, Allyson, would play with one particular friend. This time they were each pulling an end of a Cinderella ball gown, last years Halloween costume that had since found its way into the dress up box.

Making my way into the playroom, I could see that this scuffle was not going to resolve itself without a little adult interaction. Looking at my daughter I suggested, “Why don’t you let Erica* wear the Cinderella dress right now and you wear the Sleeping Beauty gown. Then, in just a little while, you can switch?”

“No!”

Obviously my simple suggestion just wasn’t going to work. So I began an explanation.

“Allyson, Erica is your friend, you are supposed to share your toys with your friends,” I said gently.

“She not my friend, she not share her toys with me!”

She had a point, Erica wouldn’t share her toys when we visited her home.

“You have to share your toys when any of your friends visit,” I said a bit more sternly.

“Why?” Ally said with her lower lip starting to droop.

Hmmm. Explaining to a three-year-old the concept of, “Do unto others”, was not going to be easy. I quickly decided to take the cowards way out and put the dress away for the remainder of Erica’s visit and save the explanations for later.

During the quiet time Ally and I have together each afternoon, we snuggle, read stories, and talk. I chose this time to discuss the dress incident and to convey the message that we have to be nice to other people even when they aren’t nice to us in return. As we lay down on her rose print comforter surrounded by Teletubbies, a huge rag doll, and several books I began to explain.

“Ally, do you understand why Mommy asked you to share your toys with Erica?”

She nodded, “’Cause I’m s’posed to share.”

It was obvious by the tone and inflection of her voice that she was giving me the pat answer that she knew I wanted to hear.

“Yes honey, we’re supposed to share but do you understand why?”

“No.”

At that moment I realized that I wasn’t 100% sure that I had a really good answer to give her. When these situations crop up I always get nervous. These are the defining moments of motherhood, those teachable moments that can really penetrate your child’s heart and soul. I decided to go for it and hope that I would somehow find the right words.

“Ally, God wants us to share with others to show them love. Some people don’t know about Gods love so He has given us the chance to show them. And when you are nice to people, even when they aren’t nice to you in return, you make them happy and that makes God very happy. We always want to make God happy because He loves us and takes care of us. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, read book Mommy,” she said pushing a book toward me.

As I picked up the storybook and began to read, I really wasn’t sure how much of my impromptu lesson Ally had actually understood. But there was one thing of which I was very sure. Again, God had used my child’s innocence to gently remind me of an area of my life that could use some improvement.

Thoughts for Reflection:

It is so easy to think of  “Doing unto others…” in simplistic terms when we are dealing with our children. But when we begin to truly apply it to our own lives, it is suddenly not so simple. How many times have we felt justified in thoughts such as,

 “She never makes the effort to say hello to me, so why should I go out of my way to make her feel welcome in the neighborhood?” or

 “Why does she keep borrowing from me, can’t she ever get to the grocery store herself?”

How many times have we acted like a friend to someone and then complained about her faults to others when she wasn’t around?

Scripture for Meditation:

“But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.”

Luke 6:32-33

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” Philippians 2:3

“Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37

Application to our daily lives:

In a world where ambition and self-gratification are revered, it is difficult to remember that we are to put others before ourselves. Each time someone angers or frustrates you, stop and think about what the scriptures say before you react. Try to go out of your way this month to say something nice to someone that you haven’t been friendly with before. Look for the small ways each day that you can “Do unto others,” and show God’s love in your corner of the world.

*Name has been changed 

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