Explaining Excessiveness to Our Children
by Mia Cronan
http://MainStreetMom.com

"Mom, how come my friend Tommy has a Gameboy, a Sega, and his own computer, and why can't I?!" Ugh. Don't we as money-conscious parents dread hearing questions like that, when we know that our methods are for the best?

It's hard for kids to understand that there are no money trees in our backyards, and that a credit card really does represent cash. In fact, I find it difficult to bring my girls to the store with me, because they're entering the stage where they want everything they see, regardless of the fact that they have loads of stuff that doting aunt, uncles, and grandparents have already given them right at home. I don't like always saying "no," but I find myself in that situation all the time! I try to tell myself I'm being a good parent by not allowing them every nifty new item that comes down the pike. It sure is exhausting, though. And one look at their crestfallen faces increases the guilt. I forge forth, however, out of concern for their welfare and sense of priority down the line.

Do you feel a need to get creative with ways to explain why the tots can't have every gadget and gizmo that their peers have? Here are a few suggestions for dealing with it in a patient and positive manner:

1. Be flat-out honest. Let them know that as their parents, you love them enough to want what's best for them. Sometimes, going without something is what's best, for several reasons. The money is needed for more important things, like groceries, gasoline, and the mortgage payment. Also, going without gives us strength to say no to other things.

2. Let them know that everyone handles money differently, and what's right for one family might not be right for another. You don't happen to think it's necessary to have excess "stuff" around the house, because you already have plenty of nice things to enjoy. And the better they're cared for, the longer they can be enjoyed.

3. Explain that having stuff doesn't make a better person. It's what we do, and not what we have, that makes us special. It's so hard for kids to understand this, but the less we cave, the better off they are.

4. Suggest they save and buy it themselves. That's kind of tough if they are very small, get no allowance, or are too young to baby-sit or mow lawns, but a good message just the same.

Whatever you do, don't feel guilty about limiting the material goods. They learn in time that they are not what's important, as long as they hear that message regularly told to them in loving and positive tones.

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