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Post-It
Notes Left by Two Working Parents
by Ken Swarner
Hilarious communications between husband and wife…could
this be you and your husband?
Monday
Sweetheart,
It’s Claire’s turn to bring snack to school today. There’s celery in the
fridge. Cut it up into two inch chunks, spread peanut butter on them and
place five raisins on each. Wrap in cellophane (not a dry cleaners bag!) and be
sure there are 24 plus one for her teacher Ms. Goodesteem. Tidy the family room
if you get a chance. Did you call the plumber yet?
I love you,
Allison
Monday
Honey,
That was okra not celery. Claire saw me spreading Cheese Whiz on them and cried
20 minutes until I forked over 24 pieces of Halloween candy (who told the kids
the candy was hidden in the vacuum bag?). By the time I untied your son’s
doubleknots with your graduation pen, the family room was a lost cause. Dinner
is on time bake. I have Rotary tonight. Was the pen important? Hugs and kisses
Ken
Tuesday
Ken
The toilet has been asking for the plumber. You forgot Alasdair’s milk money
again. He says he owes some fifth grader $3.25 plus interest for milk loans. I
have a meeting tonight. The mess has spread to the dining room. Love,
Allison
Tuesday
Allison,
I couldn’t find Alasdair’s lunchbox so I used your hat. Call the principal
about the loan shark. Replaced your graduation pen - disregard the year. I
think you took my car keys this morning - the taxi’s here, got to go.
Sincerely,
Ken
Wednesday
Hey. Your keys were in the juice pitcher. The kids won’t go to the bathroom -
when’s the plumber coming? I enjoyed our talk last night. We have to abandon
the downstairs to the clutter and take refuge upstairs tonight. Dinner is
on your son’s top bunk.
Allison
Wednesday
Al,
We didn’t have a conversation last night - our bed was full of kids; I slept
with the dog. What’s the plumber’s phone number? Did you know Tuesday was
class picture day, and your son wore his ‘I’m with stupid’
T-shirt...apparently he stood next to his teacher.
Ken
Thursday
The neighbor called - something about your son and some jumper cables. I
said you’d stop by tonight and talk to them. I spoke with the principal,
picture retakes are next Monday...I burned the shirt. We owe the principal
$4.50 for loaning our son milk money, too.
A.
Thursday
Yesterday was Alasdair’s snack day, luckily, I had gum. I promise I’ll call
the plumber today.
K.
Friday
Wife,
I had a breakfast meeting this morning. I sand bagged the bathroom last
night, call the National Guard if it crests. Any idea where the cat is?
Me
Friday
Husband,
Provisions are low and something is moving in the living room...could be the
cat. Order pizza and watch out for the waterfall on the stairs.
P.S. Bring your sleeping bag, we’re in the attic divvying up the rest of the
Halloween candy.
Ken Swarner writes the syndicated humor column Family Man for newspapers in
the US and Canada. He can be reached at noifs@aol.com
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