A Mom's New Year's Resolution
©Lisa Barker

This year I resolve to...

Leave the house on time and keep all my appointments.  (Flashback: Mom in the van revving the engine, hollering out the window as three kids hop to the van
pulling on their shoes, "You better be in this van by the time I count to three or I'm leaving you in the dust!)

Make nutritious dinners that nurture the family as well as nourish them.  (Flashback: Kids wrinkling noses at spinach salad and broiled fish and mom saying, "You eat what I cook--it cost me money!)  

Support my kids at the school in all their activities. (Flashback: Mom on the sidelines shaking her fist and arguing with the referee while the kids melt away,
mortified. "What do you mean that's out of bounds, what are you, a moron?!")

Take my kids to the museum and expose them to culture.  (Flashback: Tiny tot pointing at David's 'appendage' clinically labeling it at high volume and explaining
to all within earshot what the difference is between boys and girls.)

Lead my family in good health and fitness.  (Flashback: Attempting to power walk down the sidewalk while three-year-old runs toward street and two-year-old runs through gardens.)

Plan fun and interesting family outings. (Flashback: Family packed in van with the baby crying non-stop for thirty miles. One wants a drink, another has to go to
the bathroom and the third is going to be sick. "Are we there yet!?")

Teach kids about their heritage and family. (Flashback: Aunt Helda pinching the littlest one's cheeks and the oldest child making faces and crying out, "Ack! She smells old! Do I have to kiss her?")

Be a cool mom and let kids have more sleepovers.  (Flashback: Lying in bed at three o'clock in the morning while a chorus of pre-teen girls giggle all through the night.)

Make sure all cats have clean bill of health.  (Flashback: Curtains torn to shreds, artery on left wrist slashed, cat wrapped in a towel with bugged-out eyes spitting out wormer pill for the fourth time in a row.)

Make more time for myself. (Flashback: Soaking in the tub by candle light while kids line up to pound on door. "Are you done yet, Mom? What are you doing in
there? I think she's asleep. Are you asleep, Mom?  Want me to get Dad? I smell something burning. Maybe we should call the fire department.")

Eat fewer sweets. (Flashback: There was Johnny's birthday party at school, the reception after Sally's dance recital, Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's, St.
Patrick's Day....)

Teach the toddlers more words and prepare them for preschool and kindergarten. (Flashback: Telling off the idiot that backed into you at a stop light...only to have the little ones share the 'new' words they learned when you greeted the minister at church the following Sunday.)

Hmmmm. Maybe I'll just tear up this list and have a little chocolate from my stash. This resolution business is for the birds.

It's time to duck the flying mashed potatoes and get real about parenting and the modern domestic life with "Jelly Mom."  http://www.jellymom.com 

Laugh, cry, laugh some more. It's all about preserving sanity!