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The Twelve Habits of
a Highly Effective Mom
by Mia Cronan
http://MainStreetMom.com
It's easy to say,
"I really don't like how you slammed that door," but it
takes a little more work to say, "I really liked the way you just
shared with your sister."
Over the few years that I have spent as
a mother, I've tried hard to listen carefully to this new group of
peers, in addition to reading books on the topic of good mothering. In
that time, I've been able to identify what I feel is truly important
when blessed with the task of raising children and preparing them for
the world. Much like, when in the workforce, we use our peers'
viewpoints of doing business to determine where we fall on the
spectrum and decide thusly how we can proceed effectively, we do the
same in parenting. Here you will find twelve areas that you may be
able to relate to and mull over in determining what is important to
you as a mother.
1. Praise
positive behavior....
There have been times when I have
crawled into bed at night thinking that my day had been full of
nothing but negative exchanges with my children. That's a daunting
feeling, and it always leaves me swearing that I will not say anything
critical or less than positive the next day, for fear of leaving them
feeling less than good about themselves, in turn. But the truth is,
there will be times when, in an effort to make the most of our
children, we let them know how and where they fall short. It cannot be
avoided. In light of that, the old saying, "Catch your kids doing
something right," is so important here. It's easy to say,
"I really don't like how you slammed that door," but it
takes a little more work to say, "I really liked the way you just
shared with your sister." That kind of immediate observation goes
a long way toward promoting positive behavior. Your children will want
to repeat it as soon as they can. And it will certainly feel better to
you to say those kinds of good things!
2. Find time
for yourself -- spiritually, physically, and emotionally...
How many times have we said that
there's just not enough time in a day? Far too often in my case.
But, if you budget your time, and I'm learning how to do that, there
is always 30 minutes somewhere in a day to do a little something for
yourself. Moms quite often get so caught up in "doing" for
everyone else and feeling totally indispensable, that there is the
underlying assumption that there's no time left for Mom. If you are
able to set aside that 30 minutes, you can identify something that
really does something for your spirit, whether it's praying, reading
a book, doing some stretching exercises, or calling a friend. So many
moms say that it makes them a better mother when they are able to
"nurture the nurturer" a little. Otherwise, how can you give
when there's nothing left of you to give? Along these same lines, it
is equally important that you develop a network of moms who are also
at home with their children. Who better can we share our joys and
frustrations with than other moms who face the same challenges day to
day that we do? This can oftentimes be done through the local
community, your church, or you could even start one!
3. When the
going gets tough, step away from it all...
Rather than blowing your stack when
things hit a little too close to a nerve, try to step away for the
moment to collect yourself. Even it means leaving a bowl of spilled
cereal and milk on the floor for five minutes while you close your
eyes and put it all in perspective. How tragic is it? How hard is it
to clean up? It's probably not as bad as it seems at the moment,
even though company's coming in ten minutes and you just mopped the
floor, right? If you are able to distance yourself for a brief time,
you will undoubtedly respond to the incident, rather than react to it
-- big difference!
4. Stay in
"synch" with your husband, and speak only with respect to
and about each other...
As we all know, having children adds a
new and wonderful dimension to the world of matrimony. There are times
when our backgrounds, our priorities, our beliefs, or our own rearing
will dictate that we feel differently from each other about certain
parenting issues. What is the most important thing to consider when
making decisions together that involve your children? Show unity. Even
if you have to take turns backing off at times, for the most part a
little work will allow you to compromise and grow stronger together as
a result. And, your children will see a united front, which has got to
be more important than the outcome of any one decision vs. another.
The united front will demonstrate to your children your respect for
each other and your desire to give them a solid foundation on which to
build their own values and character. We've all heard the expression
"stable home-life." I believe this one point to be a
vertebrae in the backbone of that phrase.
5. Make
special time for your children...
As in item #1, we can always budget a
little time for the important things in life. Right now, as a
stay-at-home or work-at-home parent, the important thing is your kids,
right? I'm always amazed at how much my children respond to me when
I've taken an hour to read to them or play Candy Land with them or
push them on the swing set, offering 100% of my attention to them for
that hour. They need it, and it shows in their behavior. When they act
up and get obnoxious, all I have to do is ask myself, "How much
direct time have I spent with them today?" Sometimes the answer
to that question answers the question about why they're acting up!
The time I'm talking about is above and beyond the usual preparing
lunch for them, wiping their faces, helping them pick up their toys,
and bathing them. I mean, direct contact doing something fun and maybe
even educational.
6. Keep current with
the news...
Have you ever gone to a social
gathering without your children and felt at a loss for conversation
because the things you deal with day to day are far removed from the
working world and the things with which childless people deal? It can
be uncomfortable, to say the least. That's why it is so important to
be able to keep abreast of current events on a regular basis so that
you can form intelligent opinions and be able to offer stimulating
conversation to others....even if it's just your husband at times!
He probably gets to listen to the news everyday on his way to the
office. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to talk to him about worldly
events over dinner rather than the number of times you caught your
toddler trying to tickle the goldfish today? In addition to allowing
you to talk to other adults, it affords you a little self-respect,
rather than self-depreciating thoughts about your being removed from
the world.
7. Speak to your
children on a level slightly higher than their own...
Do this, and your children will be
gently coerced into pulling their own vocabularies along. Baby talk
sounds cute, and children do respond to it, but do they learn from it?
Not at all. Language skills are being developed at warp speed right
now, and allowing your children to challenge themselves with context
clues (remember that phrase?) right now is a great way to prepare them
for school. If spoken to intelligently, your child will be at a much
greater advantage than the child who is spoken down to or with the use
of baby talk. When discussing baby talk, I also refer to using the
same incorrect pronunciations back to them that your children use to
you, no matter how cute they are.
8. Remember the good
things your mom did, and do them...
It's funny how the little things in
life don't take on much meaning until we experience them again as
adults. Take a little stroll down Memory Lane, and try to remember
something special that your mom did for you periodically, something
that you really enjoyed or made you feel special. Is it something that
you can do for your kids, too? If done repeatedly, would it create a
lasting, fond memory for them, too? As an example, when I was little,
my mom used to swing by the corner bakery around each holiday and pick
up a special decorated bakery cookie just for me. It was no big deal,
but it created enough of a tradition in my mind that I still think of
it 30 years later. (Plus they were good cookies!) It was a small
gesture that told me that my mom was thinking of me while she was out
running errands. If traditions can be started at the same time, all
the better!
9. Let your kids
hear you say only good things about others...
Our children mirror our behavior,
right? And it only makes sense that they do. We are their first role
models, so we better be good ones! If all they hear is us being kind
and charitable when discussing others, it stands to reason that they
will do the same. Additionally, it puts us in the healthy practice of
saying only kind things about others, which is a virtuous habit to
perpetuate anyway, around children or not! If all our children hear is
negative criticism, they will adopt the notion that we are here to act
as judge and jury over the actions of others rather than seeing the
good in those around us.
10. Read to
your kids daily...
What a great way to stimulate the mind
and whet the appetite for learning and reading, than to read to your
children on a daily basis. Studies strongly show that children to whom
books are read daily have a much more avid desire to read successfully
themselves and are more likely to read for pleasure as they get older.
When they can hear and learn the words that go along with the pictures
that they see concurrently, the stories come to life and allow their
imaginations to soar. Better than that, though, it means special time
for you and your kids, whether after breakfast or right before
bedtime. Children need this kind of interaction with the special
adults in their lives!
11. Foster a
hobby/interest or two...
If your child can see you making time
for a special activity, it is more likely that he or she will find
interest in a certain hobby or pastime, too. These types of things can
develop into lifelong talents, in addition to being enjoyable side
interests. However, that aside, a hobby for just you allows you some
time to pursue something that you enjoy and that stimulates your
senses. Don't we all need that periodically? It could be something
as simple as doing the daily crossword puzzle or tending to plants.
Or, it can be something more intense such as needlework or writing
short stories. The point is, do more for yourself than just what it
takes to get you and your family through the day!
12. Start early
teaching your kids...
The
following list represents but a few of the things that some parents
tend to put off until a rainy day. And chances are, by that time,
it's too late for the children to be able to appropriately
incorporate these behaviors into their repertoire of good conduct and
virtuous activities. This is something of a pot pourri of things for
them to learn, but nonetheless, they should be taught, and early.
Prayer -
Children should understand that, as
much as you love them, there is a God who loves them even more. Prayer
builds that relationship, and , if started early, can lead to a life
of spirituality that will guide them through the tough and the great
times.
Money
management - Just simple
talks at the grocery store about why you don't care to purchase
certain items can foster an early appreciation for money and how far
it goes. Or while your child is dropping coins in his piggy bank, you
can explain how money should be handled so that it's not wasted.
Virtues/fables/parables;
honesty, integrity, character - Aesop's
Fables are a great way to introduce children to the virtues in
life. Bill Bennett also offers a book called, The Book of
Virtues, which offers great stories for kids on the less
tangible things in life that offer us value and give us character.
Etiquette - Mealtime,
respect for adults, saying "please" and "thank
you" and "excuse me," manners, and writing thank you
notes....Sadly, these are lost arts in some families. As parents, we
need to teach them early so that they are a built-in part of our kids.
To think of
others' feelings, sometimes before our own
- Here again, this is something that our culture no longer promotes,
unfortunately. We now live in a society which grossly supports getting
all we want for ourselves, regardless how it affects others. We can
see it today in road rage alone, for example. If the parents of the
up-and-coming generation
do we all we can to reverse that, maybe we can turn our culture around
and back to the days when people had consideration for others, too.
Physical
activity and exercise - Many
children are encouraged to park themselves in front of a TV for hours
on end, because it's a convenient babysitter for the parents.
Granted, there are times, like the very long and cold days of winter,
when there simply isn't anything else to do. Video and computer
games are another culprit! And we wonder why there are so many
overweight, slothful children out there! As a rule, there are much
healthier ways for kids to get entertainment. It takes some
imagination on our part, but it's well worth the effort. And it will
teach them to get active and creative at an early age.
Moderation -
Here again, our society is really
into "bigger and more is better." Not always! Not when it
teaches a child to be self-indulgent and possessive! And in some
places, those are the types of children that are out there today. One
day, our kids will be going to school with them, and they will be
exposed to that kind of thinking. And I believe it comes from the lazy
parents who will offer anything to their children to keep them out of
their hair or to keep them from making a scene. Typically, these same
parents don't care to do the work that goes along with raising kids.
If taught early that moderation is appropriate, it will become
commonplace for our children to limit the bad things that seem so good
at the time, but in reality are bad for them.
Related
Articles:
When
Mealtime is the Dreaded Time of Day
Mealtime was the one time everyday when we came together
as a family and discussed our day. Some of my fondest
memories are of dinnertime, when, at least once a week, my
brother would spit milk across the table because he burst out
laughing at my other brother over something silly that he did.
Parenting
the Sibling Rivals
With so many books on the market that address parenting and
children, written by both experts and non-experts, you may notice that
many of them suggest various degrees of spacing in terms of how many
years should be between your children.
Discipline
is Not a Dirty Word
Discipline does not automatically mean punishment. Oftentimes, it
involves disciplining ourselves first, before we expect trained
behavior to appear in our children.
The
Meanest Mother
We had the meanest mother in the whole world!
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